I have been  the breadwinner in the family since my father passed away. My mother couldn’t do heavy chores since she had a kidney operations and my siblings were all attending school. Every time my siblings ask me for extra money for their projects and examination fees, I needed to stretch my budget and accommodate their schooling needs. Since I don’t have a chance to save a lot, I needed to have some payday loans every time unexpected  expenses arises from school. I need to do something for my siblings to value education as it will be the key for our bright future.

I often save part of my salary and put it in my savings account. I want to feel safe knowing that in times of need, I have an immediate source of income. But when my brother was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes, my savings were not even enough to buy him all his needed medications. That was when I resorted in getting a cash advance online. My brother shouldn’t miss a single dose of his daily insulin intake and other food supplement to control his sugar. Good thing there were companies online that offers fast and safe release of funds, just in time for the medication of my brother.

Going back to the hospital, my husband is still in coma. I
brought our son over and place him beside him. I said: “Open your eyes
and smile, I want our son to remember being in the warmth of your arms…”

He struggled to open his eyes and managed a weak smile.
Our son still in his arms was happily waving his tiny hands in the
air. I press the button on the camera and the sound of the shutter
rang through the air as tears slowly rolled down my face… I know  can never bring back the hands of time and soon it will be only me and my son who will face the world. But I will be strong, my husband’s memory will keep me fighting and surviving.

From play school to primary school, to secondary,
university, to work and even in dealing with questions of love,
everything big and small was written there. Hubby has also written a
letter for me:

“My dear, to marry you is my biggest happiness, forgive me
for the pain I have caused you, forgive me for not telling you my
illness, because I want to see you be in a joyful mood waiting for the
arrival of our baby… My dear, if you cried, it means that you have
forgiven me and I would smile, thank you for loving me…

These presents, I’m afraid I cannot give them to our son
personally, could you help me to give some of them to him every year,
the dates on what to give when are all written on the packaging…”

My husband’s  cancer was discovered 5 months ago, his groaning
was real, and I had thought that… the computer showed over 200
thousand words he wrote for our son:

“Son, just for you, I have persisted, to be able to take a
look at you before I fall, is my biggest wish now… I know that in
your life, you will have many happiness and maybe some setbacks, if
only I can accompany you throughout that journey, how nice would it
be. But daddy now no longer has that chance.

Daddy has written inside here all the possible
difficulties and problems you may encounter during your lifetime, when
you meet with these problems, you can refer to daddy’s suggestion…
Son, after writing these 200 thousand words, I feel as if I have
accompanied you through your life journey. To be honest, daddy is very
happy.

My husband  looked at me, smiling and then he slowly collapsed
onto the floor. I cried out for him in pain… He smiled, but without
opening that tired eyes of his… I had thought that I would never
shed any tear for him, but the truth is, I have never felt a deeper
pain cutting through my body at that moment. Doctor said that by the
time my husband discovered he had liver cancer, it was already in terminal
stage and it was a miracle that he managed to last this long.

I asked the doctor when did he first discover he had
cancer? Doctor said about 5 months ago and consoled me saying:
“Prepare for his funeral.” I disregarded the nurse’s objection and
rushed home, I went into his room and checked his computer, and a
suffocating pain hits me.

It was sometime towards the end of spring in the following
year,one late night, I screamed because of a sudden stomach pain,
my husband  came rushing into the room, its like he did not change and
sleep, and had been waiting for this moment. He carried me and ran
down the stairs, stopped a car, holding my hand very tightly, and kept
wiping the sweat off my brow, throughout the journey to the hospital.

Once we reached the hospital, he carried me and hurried
into the delivery suite. Lying on the back of his skinny but warmth
body, a thought crossed my mind: In my lifetime, who else would love
me as much as he did?

He held the delivery suite door opened and watch me go in,
his warm eyes caused me to managed a smile at him despite my
contraction pain. Coming out of the delivery room, hubby looked at our
son, and me, his eyes tear with joy and he kept smiling. I reached out
and touched his hand.